So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
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