got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
Randomize
