haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
Randomize
