I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
Randomize
