he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
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