I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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