It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
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