i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
Randomize
