K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
He disabled his match.com account in front of me
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
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