I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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