She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
Randomize