I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
Randomize
