You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
I miss vodka workout Fridays
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
Randomize
