sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
Randomize
