I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
Brb crying the tears of my youth
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
Randomize
