You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
Randomize
