In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
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