so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
Randomize
