And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
Randomize
