You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
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