Taylor Swift is so right about you.
I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
Randomize
