I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
Randomize
