he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
Randomize
