This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
Randomize
