No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
Randomize
