I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
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