i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
you made out with another girl for some wings
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
