Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
Randomize
