i just wanna soil my oats bro
I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
Randomize
