I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
Sorry about my life...
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
Randomize
