So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
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