My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
Randomize
