I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
Randomize
