She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
BLOW JOB GIRL IS IN WALMART
Some people actually refer to her as Kaitlyn you know.
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
Randomize
