it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
Randomize
