White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
Randomize
