I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
Randomize
