So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
Randomize
