I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
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