i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
Randomize
