Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
you guys were way drunker than both of me
i was born a porn star she said
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
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