what's Bukake?
a bad idea.
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Randomize
