it's too hot outside to masturbate.
i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
Randomize
