we have pet lesbian snakes
Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
Randomize
