I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
Randomize
