I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
Can you repeat that, but with context?
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
Randomize
