I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
Randomize
