Midget sex pt 2 tonight
The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
Randomize
