I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
So. Much. Porn.
Randomize
