yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
Randomize
