Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
Randomize
