Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
Found the puke drawer
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
Randomize
