Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
Randomize