i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
Randomize
