i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
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