Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Randomize
