Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
Randomize
