So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
Randomize
