i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
Did you just see the Batmobile???
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
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