A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
Randomize
