Thanks for last night it was amazing as always
What are you talking about
You've got to be kidding me
First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
Randomize
