i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
did you just send me my own nude
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
Randomize
