They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
Randomize
