defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
Sex in the backyard? Check.
Randomize
