found out what b.m.t stands for.
what did you think?
bread, meat, tomatoes, but then i realized that could be practically any sub.
Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
Randomize
