she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
Randomize
