I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
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