i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
Randomize
