I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
Randomize
