I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
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