So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
Randomize
