If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
Randomize
