I'm eating all of the evidence.
my vag is so smooth its legendary
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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