i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
Randomize
