when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
Randomize