Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
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