i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
Randomize
