how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
Randomize
