Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
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