I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
Randomize
