She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
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