She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
just throwing this out there: period starts tomorrow sooo either sex tonight or not until tues/weds.
i get a bj anyways so it's really your choice.
k i'll be over in 5.
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize