I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
Randomize
