dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
Randomize
