Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
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